Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize