i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
