The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
