$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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