cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
