How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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