Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Holy sore nipples Batman
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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