I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize