hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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