Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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