I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
