if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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