worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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