it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
