I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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