After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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