he wants to bone in the snuggie
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
