the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
