Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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