guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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