Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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