I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
