(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
