My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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