who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
