Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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