you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
