know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
