Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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