Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
