sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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