Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
