Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
