So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize