she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
