Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
