i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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