i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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