He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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