Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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