If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
