I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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