i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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