Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
