Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
