ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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