Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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