At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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