Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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