I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
