I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
