did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
