brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
