Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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