y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
