it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
