He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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