Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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