My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
