i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
