We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
