Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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