Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
