Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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